


Screaming misconceptions about friendship and the universe

by galacticGenetics



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: AU, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-05-14 20:32:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5757544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticGenetics/pseuds/galacticGenetics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry has to leave for some time and when he comes back this are all kinds of crazy.</p><p>Based loosely off the Game Grumps animated Liquid Game Grumps<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5_FfxgVZRg </p><p>Please read it with a grain of salt and just wait before making assumptions, nothing is as it seems and nothing here is serious so just wait for the pay off thank you!<br/>ALSO! Please also keep in mind that I am NOT a polygrumps shipper and this is NOT a shipping fic<br/>Any like hint of "alternate" relationships or whatever are not real(in real life, in my head or even in the case of this universe) or indulgent fantasy!<br/>Just keep reading as I go along to see what happens, okay? Thank you so much!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kramer vs Kramer

It was one of the most beautiful days of all their collective lives aside from Suzy and Arin’s wedding or that time that Dan and Arin held hands in Japan which was ultimately nothing more than a fun and somewhat humorous moment between friends but did not stop lot of people in the community from drawing a bunch of wild conclusions and theories that those two bang on the reg and I mean even if they did so what that’s none of our business and we need to respect their privacy if they are but they probably aren’t so what’s even the point of this conversation?

All the Grumps were gathered in a fancy meeting room, with Suzy and Arin sitting the front. They were looking over the very fancy contract that the corporate head had drafter for them.  
With a keen perfectly eyelinered eye, Suzy scanned every line. Her killer gaze wouldn’t let any word or clause go unnoticed. 

The corporate head-we shall call him Dr. Money cause while doctors help people and everyone loves money putting those two words together as a name makes the person sound very villainous and evil, which is why he is the bad guy in Presentable Liberty but here he will never come up again - drummed the table lightly, a pleasant smile on his face.  
On the wall of his office was a lovely picture of his wife and two kids taken on the day he got them all a puppy.  
Turns out Dr. Money isn’t as bad as you thought. Now don’t you feel like a dick for judging him. 

The contract was perfect, all the Grumps agreed. The whole channel was to become a better funded Web show. More money for equipment, less concerns about copy right infringement for every time Dan and Arin just felt the overwhelming compulsion to bust out into song, more guest stars.  
Everything seemed perfect and the whole gang agreed that this deal was too sweet to pass up. 

The company peoples only had a few conditions, one being that since Barry’s new title was(after much unnecessary haggling from Arin) Grand Slam Mother Fucking Head Editor in Chief of all that Shit he would have to go to there head quarters in Place, State America to learn how to efficiently use their systems and programs and other technical terms that the common man wouldn’t know and people in the ‘biz’ would go “wha….no that’s not how this works” 

 

The training time was five months, which DID seems like a long time but they all agreed totally worth it.  
Since they were getting a new building anyways, they figured they could use that time moving in and settling the place while Barry was away. 

The contract signing was slightly rushed. Dr. Money told them he wished he could discuss further details but he had to go to his son’s dance recital. Dr. Money had a very progressive family that believed in breaking gender rolls and providing an environment that promoted equality and tolerance. So all those after thoughts of “Yeah right I bet Dr. Money is secretly a dick and that picture is just a fluke” are just further proof that judging people with no knowledge of who they are is bad and you should feel bad. 

With the contract signed and a bright future ahead of them, the Grumps partied like a bunch of old folks in an unmonitered retirement home and they had all just popped their meds at once. Everything was truly wonderful!  
Arin was for some reason in a dress, cause sometimes that just happens.  
The party only broke once as the whole gang had to look for Mimi who had suddenly disappeared.  
A good laugh was shared as they later found her trapped in Dan’s massive hair. And there is the obligatory Dan hair joke. 

Two weeks later Barry had packed up for his training trip. The whole gang accompanied him to the airport to see him off because they are all wonderful friends who would do anything for each other. Anything. Including Arin and Ross clinging to Barry’s legs desperately begging him not to leave the family.  
It was quite a scene! Security was called, and Arin and Ross were detained and questioned for 3 hours.  
And then sat there for and extra 2.  
Suzy, Holly, Dan, and Kevin all went to get coffee and kind of forgot them there.  
It’s cools, it’s fine, they forgave them and there’s no bitterness. 

Barry went of to Place and he learned a lot of handy tricks and how to live up to his new title.  
It was actually very in depth and interesting, there was a whole montage video and everything but the footage was lost cause we trusted it to the new guy Gary.  
Yeah he had it and was bringing it to work but he left in the cab he took which then drove off and we haven’t seen it sense so just believe me it was super cool and interesting. 

When he came back to LA his friends weren’t there to greet him. His little Barry heart sank a little.  
Due to his super busy schedule he wasn’t able to call or text his friends that much so he was looking forward to seeing the group of smiling faces and warm welcomes…but none were to be found 

The only one to greet him was Barry’s friend who doesn’t have a name cause I made him up just now. He gave a small wave, helping Barry carry his bags to the car.  
It was disappointing to see that none of the gang had come out to welcome him back but he was sure they had their reasons.  
Moving was probably hectic, everyone was probably on super busy schedules doing their best to produce then highest quality entertainment that the Lovelies had come to expect Like making videos of the Smash characters clapping or torturing their friends with MMOs and not teaching them how to play.

Barry and his friend conversed about how they had been. The exciting training, the typical ‘oh man I missed you’ deal.  
It was very heartwarming, such a nice moment.  
Barry finally decided to ask about the others, trying to seem nonchalant and not at all petty or hurt that none of his closest friends one of which was his frickin roommate but whatever didn’t come to pick him up. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you!” Barry tried to reassure “But like I dunno. I thought everyone else would be curious to see how I did” 

Barry’s friend went quiet, gripping the steering wheel as they drove. They appeared to be decided what the say. An uneasy feeling hit Barry’s stomach. Had something happened? Was someone hurt? Sick? Worse??  
Finally Barry’s friend gave a weird sigh and an uncomfortable smile. 

“Everyone’s…well…it’s better if you just see, I haven’t been able to make sense of them.” 

Now he was concerned AND confused. Never a good combo, but he dropped the matter and continued on with the pleasantries all the way back to his place.

He was hoping to see Dan’s sunny face there to greet him, but the place was eerily silent.  
Enough was enough.  
Where were his friends? What was going on? He was determined to get to the bottom of this whole wacky scenario. 

The new place was easy enough to find after checking thru his old emails for the address. It was over on Street Street over by the popular food restaurant. A popular local area as described by someone who has only seen pictures of California. 

It was a nice place he had to admit, but what dark secrets lurked inside? In that office was his friends, who he hadn’t seen in months. His friends who didn’t seem excited by his return. His friends who he loved with his whole bearded heart….were just beyond that dramatically described door. 

Air conditioning blasted him in the beard, and the rest of his face I guess.  
A soft jazz rendition of the game grumps theme song played in the background. It didn’t sound that great.  
This place seemed less like the game grumps head quarters and more like an office building for some serious company that sold boring products so boring I can’t even think of one.  
Water heaters maybe? Who knows. 

Barry walked up the directory board posted on one of the walls. Yeah that wall.  
“Mr. Hanson’s office down the hall? Okay what the actual ding dong fuck?” 

Arin had his own office? Mr. Hanson? This was all too weird. He was determined to get to the bottom of it. He followed the directions down the hall and came to a wooden door with a frosted window with “Arin Hanson Grand Master of Game Grumps Inc.” Written on a very official looking plaque.

Taking a deep breath, Barry reached a hand up to knock on the door. He hesitated, but why?  
This was Arin, one of his best friends, the guy who went with him out into area field wearing giant bee costumes so they could experience nature on a more pure level and yes this actually happened and no one can prove it untrue.  
His friend, his partner, a huge part of his life…so why did knocking on this door feel like he was knocking on the door of a total stranger?  
Everything was so strange.  
Steeling his will, he gave three good solid knocks to the wood of the door. A loud cough and grumbling sounded from the other side. He heard someone shuffle some papers and smack their hand gentle on what he assumed was assumed desk. 

“Damn it I swear ta god I said I won’t budge on the deal ya rat bastard get outta here!” 

The voice sounded…not like old…but like a guy trying to sound old. 

“Arin? Buddy…? It’s me Barry?” 

The was a pause and then another smack on the desk, louder this time. “Barry? Ya golden sunovabitch get in here!”

He was hesitant again. This all felt like some fucking bizarro world. Maybe he shouldn’t have read all those articles on parallel universes on the plane ride back…  
He finally opened the door and at the desk was indeed Arin, wearing a suit that looked like his grandfather lent it to him, hunched over a bunch of papers. Some looked official. Others looked like drawings of Sonic. Weird. 

Barry awkwardly shuffled in, patting the pockets of his pants softly. Now he had even more questions, the biggest being; why is Arin dressed and made up to look like a 60 year old man? 

Arin gave a very hoarse laugh and pushed himself up from his desk chair. He wrapped Barry in a tight hug patting him on the back.  
"Good ta see ya good ta see ya it’s been too long!“

“Yeah it’s uh…been some time - Arin what the hell is going on?” 

Arin let go to go sit back down at his desk, making exaggerated groans of aged pain. He reclined back, smacking his lips and narrowing his eyes.  
“You thirsty, Barry? I’m damn parched. Sit sit I’ll have my secretary bring us a drink” 

“No, Arin, I’d rather know why everything is so fuc-” 

Arin pressed a button on one of those office phone thingies that connect to another desk or whatever  
“Suzy! Get me a monster! I’m thirsty!” 

“Arin listen seriously I-…wait /Suzy/ is you secretary” 

“Not if she ain’t at her DESK SHE AIN’T” Arin bellowed into the thing. He pressed the button again aggressively “Suzy! Suzy I swear ta god you better answer m-” 

A shrill voice suddenly broke through the thing “whattya want you fat fuck??”

“Ay! Don’t you sass me! Bring me and my GUEST a drink!” 

A quiet but still annoyed “fuck you” was uttered and the line went silent.  
Barry held his questions until he heard the click click click of heels on tile and he saw Suzy with a high pulled bun hair do, and the most RED lipstick in existence. She held two glasses of Monster. 

“Here’s your Monster, Mr. Hanson.” 

“Bout time!” Suzy slid one of the glasses towards Arin then she turned to give the second one to Barry. She looked surprised  
"Oh ma gawd Barry! How weird to see you here!“

"Suzy what the fu…why are you talking like that? Why are you and Arin being weird? What the hell is going on?”

Suzy brought her perfectly manicured nails up to her mouth and gave a little laugh "Oh Barry, ya still as crazy as eva! It’s so great to see you! How long ya stayin?”

"Staying? I…I work here to still, I was not even gone a year?? Why does Arin look fifty, I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING CRAZY!!“

"Oh that for some reason reminds me.” Arin interjected “Suzy, where the hell is that good for nothing husband of yours? He’s behind schedule!" 

Barry’s jaw just hung open. Exclaiming in surprise seemed pointless, it wasn’t getting him anywhere, they were ignoring him anyways. Maybe he should stop trying to question them, since they were on a totally different planet. He settled on playing along as best he could until he could get to the bottom of what the ever kringle loving fuck was going on.  
Still tho…husband? Last he checked ARIN was Suzy’s husband. He closed his mouth and just listened. 

"Mr. Hanson if you’re going to address my…” she cast her eyes down and her mouth made a weird shape “husband…you can’t call me Suzy, ya got it?" 

"Feh” Arin made an old man grump noise and waved his hand annoyed “Yeah yeah whatever whatever where is he that lazy son of a berry picking no good-" 

"I’m here you arrogant prick" 

Barry turned back to the door to see the most disturbing sight he’s ever experienced.  
Dan stood there, cane in hand, an old man suit similar to Arin’s, and a bald cap stretched over the top of his jewfro.


	2. Sufganiyot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry continues to be confused, Kevin is wearing a large coat, and we have a (very) brief moment of remembrance of a good friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bitch I bet you thought you saw the last of me! is...is that meme still funny? I'm very out of touch.  
> Uh yeah chapter two...I was a bit iffy posting it cause i wanted to write a bit more but I decided to just say fuck it cause well I actually do wanna write this and finish it cause I do have an ending so I figured to just publish what I got and just keep rolling until I get there
> 
> I feel like this one is oddly...dramatic if I dare use that word??? but just keep going cause none of this is serious and again please don't make any assumptions just take everything with a grain of salt!  
> This is purely ridiculous parody and stupidness

As Dan stood there, Barry opened and closed his mouth a few times; trying to find the right words to convey how he felt about the sight before him.   
Giving up, he decided to give it his best and play along.   
"D-Dan! Old buddy! How ya bee-” 

“Don’t make pleasantries just yet, Barry!” Arin interjected “This rootin tootin son of a goat is late! Where the hell have you been?”   
Arin gesticulated wildly as Danny made his was into the room with an overly exaggerated crotchety old walk. He stopped to stand next to Barry’s chair, smacking his lips like you often see old people do. Or like….dogs with peanut butter in their mouth.

“I was out working on Starbombs 87th album you sassy fucker! While you sit here on your ffffffat keister, I was working on REAL art!” 

“Feh!” Arin waved another very dramatic arm at his coworker “ ‘art’! Is that what you’re calling it?” He stood from his desk, hands firmly planted against the mahogany all Phoenix Wright posing style “What you call arrrrrrt I call ffffaaaaarrrrt! You and Brian do nothing but piss on my equipment and slap it on to a cd and call it macaroni!” 

“Guys guys you knock this off right now!” Suzy moved forward to try and interject “you’re partners! And Arin you’re being a rude fuck!” 

“Don’t you sass me woman!” Arin pointed an accusatory finger at the lovely Suzy, who pulled a hand to her forehead dramatically 

“You don’t talk to her that way!” Danny’s voice was still cartoony and old sounding but also filled with such determination

“Shut up you free loading prick!” Arin turned his fury back to Dan “I built this business with my bare hands! And have come too far to have you treat me like THIS! First my business! Then our band! And my wif-” 

“What. The. Actual. Fuck?” 

Suzy, Dan, and Arin all turned to look at Barry sitting in his chair, holding his head trying to figure out what was happening. This all sounded like some terrible soap opera! Or a fanfic written by one of their lovelies… 

“Oh, sorry Barry…” Suzy gave a small rub to the poor editor’s shoulders. “Eh, Mr. Hanson, Danny - why don’t you go record Pokémon Fire Red Episode 115…I’ll show Barry to his new office. I’m sure he’ll wanna see Kevin too! Been a while, ya know?” 

Arin and Danny quietly nodded. Danny looked as if he wanted to say more, but he held back. His mouth moved weirdly, like he was having a hard time maintaining a straight face. 

“You’re excused Miss…Mrs…just go.” The words trailed off as Arin turned his head dramatically away, covering his eyes slightly. “And you!” He pointed at Danny without looking up “you better get to the recording room ASAP! or its your ass!”

“I’ll get there around the same time you, butthole! We’re walking there together!” 

“Good! I’m glad!”

The two gentlemen dressed like old fuckers shuffled around the giant mahogany desk to leave the room after Arin made sure to tuck all of the Sonic fan art lovingly in a folder. 

“Well uh I guess I’ll see you later. Honey." Danny went to awkwardly hug Suzy, who in return gave him the good ol Christian side hug. 

"Yeah have a good recording sesh!” She happily turned back to Barry, her award winning smile just a beaming. "Come right this way Mr. Editor! Your office awaits!” She tugged Barry up and he followed blankly.   
His eyes scanned the halls as Suzy led him thru the building, giving a little tour as they made their way.   
“Over there is the kitchen~ nice and stocked! Full of snacks! That over there is a prop making studio! And that’s the rage room!” She pointed to the only door that didn’t have a window “That’s where we go to scream! Well, most of us. Brian just likes to…I dunno, sit in there. Sometimes he’s in there for hours…anyways-”

Barry tried to listen, but concentrating was too hard. It /was/ impressive, he just wished he could enjoy it. Nothing was making sense, his good friends were acting so strange and ignoring all his concerns. He began to questions whether THEY were the ones who were weird…or was this truly how the world was and he simply lost hold in the flow?   
That very deep and weighty thought had to be put on hold as Suzy stopped in front of another very nice looking door with his name on it.

“And here we are! Your special office, we can get you all settled in pretty soo- oh hey Kev!”   
Suzy waved happily behind Barry, but he was almost afraid to look. How had Kevin changed? Maybe he didn’t! What if was good ol Kevin? Sweet, wonderful Kevin! The Kevin who was like a very talented kitten wrapped in a soft throw blanket set atop a sunny hill, surrounded by flowers with beautiful violin music playing in the background.

Kevin, his coworker; his friend.

It wasn’t. 

To Barry’s dismay Kevin also seemed to be a part of this damned depraved world too as he sauntered down the hall in ridiculous leather pants, a black button up shirt, sick ass indoor shades, and a large faux fur coat. In tow along side him were three giggling ladies, all swooning over the “swagged” out Kevin. 

“Ey, uh Suzy” Kevin gave her a double pistols and a wink, turning to aim them at Barry “And oh yo Razzadooples the man the legend back again!” 

“Kevin? You uh…look” 

“I know, dope right?” Kevin awkwardly fluffed his jacket. Not awkwardly in the way of Kevin isn’t cool, but in the sense that Kevin isn’t a total douche who shows off giant coats. 

“That’s a way to put it…uh hey look since I’m back, do you wanna go over the new programs? And of course chat? Catch up?”  
Barry wanted to get Kevin alone to try and question him about was going on, cause this was getting to be too much, someone here had to come clean with him. 

“Oh sorry Barry baby! I gotta go to a very important pre dinner party, then a dinner party, and then an after dinner party." He sighed dramatically and shook his head "The obligations of being adored!” 

“Who…why are you going to all these parties who invited you? I mean we’re the Grumps, not some media conglomerate!” 

“Oh Barry Barry Barry, good to see you’ve kept humble but man you gotta catch up! I'ma hot button! That everyone wants to press!” Kevin gave another double pistols and and a wink   
“What does that even - get those out of my face!” He slapped the double pistols and tried to argue more but Kevin was already walking away with his arms around two of the girls. 

“Oh that Kevin!” Suzy chuckled “how fame can change ya. Well anyways how about you pop into your new office and just relax, Barry! Probably weird being back, huh?” 

“Oh you have no idea” Barry sighed

Suzy nodded understandingly, a warm smile on her face “ well you go take a loud off~ I’ll come check on you later, okay?”   
She patted Barry on the shoulder and opened the door for him before making her way back to her desk, her heels click click clicking away. 

The office was nice, like his old set up at the Grump Space but bigger and in its own room. Lining the walls was various pieces of fan art and gifts that Barry had received from the Lovelies, and hung right in the center of the far wall from his desk was a framed drawing that Arin had drawn of all them. Also a framed picture of papyrus next to that. Not even like a drawing, just a printed out picture of Paps sprite and a note written in Ross's hand writing saying " Never forget"

He plopped down into his desk chair looking over the picture wall and strumming his fingers on the arm rest.   
This all had to be a very elaborate joke, like the time they all pretended that penguins didn't exist to confuse and frighten Suzy. She did not take it well and proceeded to slap everyone with really dense pillows as punishment.  
Yeah it had to be like that.

After a bit of very intense pondering a knock came from outside the door.

"Uh, yeah come in?"  
Barry braced himself for another whacky bizzarro world version of his friends.

"Ah Barry my good chap can I have a word with you?"   
Brian held a very Sherlockian pipe in his hands while dressed in a very scholarly tweed jacket and a graduation cap.

Barry sighed heavily, growing almost used to the weird shit he's seen

"Ah good good! Thank you SOOOO much for meeting with me my good fellow I just wanted-"

Barry jumped as Brian practically slammed the door behind him.

"Ah sorry, dramatic habit." he dropped the phony pseudo british accent "Sup Barry?"

Barry's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas.  
...Wait fuck he's Jewish. Uh hold on gotta go look up Hanukkah stuff that kids would get excited about

 

Alright I'm back and I found an article and for one did you know their is a Jewish indie-rock band called the Mama Doni Band? I am not kidding! Here's her song "The Funky Gold Menorah" It's amazing I love this  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaFb7hquTFY 

But uh yeah I only did a quick google search and got distracted by that so I'm gonna use the fact I found that would make my ass excited

Barry's eyes lit up like a kid about to eat a whole mess of sufganiyot, which are a round jelly doughnut eaten in Israel and around the world on the Jewish festival of Hanukkah. The doughnut is deep-fried, filled with jelly or custard, and then topped with powdered sugar and look really good.

Brian wasn't acting weird! Or at least no more weird than usual! Barry had come to expect a certain level of weird from Brian. Being a man of godless science Mr. Wecht was prone to eccentric outbursts and moments of insanity similar to the Malkavian options in the vampire game. 

"Brian! You're not acting all different thank god I fee like I'm going crazy!"

"Ah yeah. All that nonsense. Sit down, Barry. I'm sure you have questions"

"But I...I am sitting dow-"

Brian pressed a firm finger to Barry's lips

"Shhh now. I shall reveal all"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read my stupid boredom fighting nonsense  
> The reads, the kudos it all means a lot cause i thought no one would ever see this so it means a lot


	3. You can't just ask someone why they're not so grump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian explains my convaluted plot. Beards are touched. As are hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm back! Bet you missed me, eh? No? Mkay.  
> Well anyways here's the newest part...I dunno if I wanna call it a chapter but ya know
> 
> It's really dialog heavy so sorry if you're not into a bunch of talking but I hope you enjoy it all the same!

Brian explained everything in a very well articulated and thoughtful manner, using his professorly prowess to make sure Barry understood the situation.  
I am not professor man with a PhD however, hell I don’t even have the “I have a PhD t shirt so I can’t even lie or explain the in the same tone as Brian, but I can provide a hopefully humorous narrative.

-ahem-

So everybody is acting all crazy pants cause it all started out as one big game.  
They all made up these exaggerated pompous personas to role play thru the day to have more fun thru out the work day.  
It was only meant to be a joke; just pretend to be their characters around the office, have a couple laughs, and then business as usual.

"But something went wrong” Brian continued his explanation staring Barry uncomfortably dead in the eye.  
"It didn’t stop. The jokes became less and less work place jappery but…a reality”  
He glanced over his shoulder at the door, looking almost frightened.

Barry had never seen so much concern on Brian’s face. There was also a little bit of what looked like jam on his left cheek, but he didn’t really care about that.

Okay he did, it was driving him nuts, but he was still paying attention to Brian’s story.

"They started taking this charade too seriously and yet still performing their normal everyday tasks. Their personas and reality began to intermingle.”

“In…intermingle” Barry rubbed his beard. Partially cause it itched, but also because he could sense his beard become frightened.  
“What do you mean intermingle? Like…they KNOW they’re faking?”

"Possibly. They still work, produce content, and live relatively the same lives but…different. Take for example Danny, Suzy, and Arin. In a cliche soap opera twist Suzy and Arin ‘split’”  
Brian put up two dramatic air quotes for emphasis  
“Then Danny and Arin’s friendship starts ‘souring’. Danny soon ‘marries’ Suzy out of spite and everyone is ‘miserable’”

Brian continued to use air quotes even after he had stopped talking.   
It was odd, but Barry tried to not let it distract him…he failed tho, it was kind of like the jam on his cheek how could he not notice?!  
It was maddening.

"Thing is Arin and Suzy never divorced. Even if they did hold a mock court case for custody of the cats”

“What? That sounds insane”

“Oh it was so ridiculous, they got that Alex kid to dress up as a judge and do a silly voice for the whole thing. The litigation took like 3 hours!”

“Man…” Barry shook his head at the ridiculousness “…who won?”

“Suzy was proven to be a better care taker after she provided pictures of Arin passed out in his underwear surrounded by Cadbury cream eggs. He was deemed unable to care for himself let alone their children.”

“Jesus I mean…”

“It’s okay, he gets them every weekend and they negotiate holidays ahead of time”

Barry nodded   
“So they pretend to split up but they’re still married and living together and only act like they’re divorced when around others…and Danny married Suzy and fake trapped her in a fake loveless fake marriage?”

“Basically”

"So…this…isn’t real? Nothing they really say is true”

"Eh kinda, while 'roleplaying’-”

"Please stop with the air quotes!” Barry burst out in frustration   
“And wipe your damn mouth what even is that raspberry?”

"Cherry, I’ll have you know” Brian wiped the jam from his cheek before continuing “I’ll blame that outburst on the confusing situation but I will not tolerate it again. Got it buster brown? This may be all wonky, but ya can’t take it out on me.”

“Sorry sorry” Barry apologized hanging his head a bit in shame “please continue”

“While roleplaying they get into the very mind of their characters. But, like I said, they still work and go back to normal while actually filming. So for example, while recording Game Grumps Arin and Danny are perfectly normal. As soon as they come out they start acting like weird old men again”

“How do we…ya know, snap them out of this? I’d kind of like my old friends back.”

“What like I’m not that great, you can’t hang out with me I mean that’s kinda fucked up man”

“Brian, please. This is about me loving you any less than them. I missed you as well as all the others. I want us all to be a bug happy group again…”  
Barry started tearing up   
“I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school…”

“I…” Brian raised a thick ass eyebrow in confusion “i don’t think you know each other in middle school…considering Dan and I are like 100”

Barry ignored him and continued “i wish I could bake a cake”

“Wait a minute”

“Filled with rainbows and smiles”

“Barry please”

“And everyone would eat and be happy”

“Please don’t start quoting Mean Girls”

"But…she doesn’t even go her-”

“You wanted my help and now you spit in my eye with Lindsay Lohan?”

“I’m sorry Brain…this whole thing just seems to have rattled my brian…it was so jarring just to come back to this”

Brian nodded sympathetically “Yeah I can imagine how this is kind of and weird situation to just be thrust into. Now you were asking how do we get them to knock this charade off”

“Yeah is there some like…hypnotic therapy or…I dunno…hit em with a shoe?”

Brian sat and pondered for a second, rubbing Barry’s beard thoughtfully.

Barry knew better than to ask him to stop. You do not try to pull Brian out of one of his moments on genius. Cause he usually karate chops you in the neck and it really hurts like oooo jeez it really smarts.  
The danger of a ninja scientist.

“Well” Brian broke the beard rubbing silence “we’ll hold on to the shoe idea for now, keep it in our pocket in case of emergency. But I think the best course of action is to play along”

“Play along? I don’t know if I can do that! I’m already at my wits end, I mean did you SEE Kevin’s douchey coat?”

“Hear me out. I know this is insane. Danny’s bald cap keeps me awake some nights. But no. I mean, we keep them in this fantasy world, but we wait till they get bored. We keep dropping reminders of the past, who they really are. In time they’ll snap out of it”

“Do you really think it will work?”

Brian shrugged, standing up “who knows, I mean this whole plot is really stupid and someone is pretty much comong up with everything on the fly, so I’m not really sure what’s gonna happen”

“Alright, I’ll trust you. We’ll go along with them. Down the rabbit hole. And we’ll drag them the fuck outta Wonderland”

“That was kinda beautiful, Barry”

“No it wasn’t”

“Yeah you’re right”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowzers man! Almost 200 people have looked at this nonsense! That is crazy to me! I didn't even think 10 people would see this so it means a lot to me.  
> The kudos make me feel like I'm actually doing something right, so thank you so much!  
> I've even gotten a couple comments and they literally make my day, you're amazing! 
> 
> This nerdy little fic has made me feel a million times better about my writing! I know I'm not perfect but I still feel like at least a couple people like my work!
> 
> I have a couple more story ideas I may work on in the future, we'll see how this goes!
> 
> Thank again so much for reading my weird ass little story I write on my lunch breaks!


	4. The sound of delicate wings in the distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost done introducing the full cast as we spiral down the rabbit even farther.  
> Also sorry Game Grumps Jack, I don't know much about you but my great grandmother is Irish and my grandmother raised by the Irish and if I didn't mention you I was afraid I was going to be haunted by my ancestors!  
> I hope to see you in more BTS stuff~

Barry worked at his new desk for a couple hours, getting used to his new set up.  
It was actually kind of nice once he started ignoring the crazy pants mess outside his door.  
Brian had left after their decision to go along with the madness but urged Barry to keep strong. He would do his best, but he didn’t know how long he could pretend.

As time passed he felt himself getting hungry and he realized he hadn’t eaten since he got back.  
It was time for some lunch.  
He saved his work and pushed himself away from the desk, tho he pushed a little too hard and his desk chair wheeled him a good distance from his computer and into the middle of the room.

Peeking out of his office, Barry checked to see if the coast was clear. He didn’t want to run into his friends right away, he still needed to figure out what kind of role he himself would try and play.  
The hallway appeared empty and all he could hear was the crappy jazz rendition of the theme song playing from the lobby.

He snuck his way out, but quickly hot turned around. This new building was much bigger than the last Grump sace and he couldn’t remember which way he had come in.  
He wandered a good five minutes lost looking for any sign of door or life to lead him out when he finally heard a sound that wasn’t soulful sax music.  
It sounded almost like a camera shutter?

He followed the sound till he found the source, and much to his dismay it was two more friends in bizarre character roles.

The lovely miss Holly stood up on a raised platform wearing an outlandish outfit that even modern pop singers would find a bit much and covered in birds. She posed with them as Jack the I believe he is an intern snapped photo after photo of her.  
She eventually noticed Barry and put a silent hand up for Jack to stop. 

“Alright Miss Holly we’ll take 5, gettin some great shots” He took the camera and fiddled with it at a desk on the opposite side of the room. 

Holly nodded, remaining silent and motioned with her fingers for Barry to enter. She stepped down off the pedestal as he approached, managing not to rustle anybody the birds. 

“Uh, hey Holly. Good…good to see you”

Holly nodded, petting one of the birds on her shoulders.  
It felt like an eternity before anyone spoke, it was Holly to make the next move. 

“It’s been too long, Barry. We’ve missed you” Her tone was that of a snobby artsy woman, the kind that makes really weird sculptures and wears “avant garde” fashion. Like, ya know the step mom from BeetleJuice?   
Kinda like that Only less ginger. Unless Holly suddenly goes red. Then it’d be…well pretty fuckin spot on actually. …dude Holly should cosplay Delia Deets or whatever the name was.  
That’d be really cool.   
Or like Lydia in the red wedding dress?? Ah man that would be rad!  
…ahem Yeah with that tone 

“Time seems to have flown by…I haven’t seen you since I was a young woman, Barry. But still. Glad to see you home” 

“Yeah it…man…I can’t believe every thing I’ve missed. So much drama. The price of fame, eh?”   
Barry did his best to play along. He had to admit, it was KINDA fun. Once he put it more into the aspect of a game, it was an easier pill to swallow. 

Holly looked as if she were swallowing a bitter pill herself at the mention of drama.   
She brought a dramatic hand to her forehead. “Yes. So much. The years have been cruel…”   
A bird hopped from her head on to her dramatic hand. She took a moment from her lamenting to give the birb a quick smooch and a skritchin. 

Barry smiled. Crazy charade or not, Holly could never hide how much she loved birds. 

“So” Holly put the bird back on her head “Have you settled in well? I told Suzy I wanted to wait to speak to you so you could adjust. She said you were having a hard time.” 

“Oh yeah, fitting in…fine. Just so strange to be back, ya know? But I’m better now, looking forward to just being a family again and catching up with everyone…speaking of which…”   
Barry quick rescanned the room and glanced back at the hall.  
“Uh, is Ross in today? I think I’ve pretty much met up with everyone but I haven’t seen him around today” 

Holly averted her eyes, oh so DRAMATICALLY   
“No. No I haven’t. You won’t see him around here, most likely!” 

A brief flash of panic ran through Barry’s brain. “Uh…wh-why? Did something happen? Is he okay?”

“Oh I assume he’s doing just FINE.” Holly huffed “I’m sorry, darling. I must get back to my work.  
She gathered herself back up, putting on a stony expression, and stood back up on the pedestal. 

Barry attempted to try and get more out of her, but she was totally zoned out.   
He quickly gave up and set back out on lunch quest, deciding to stop by the front desk to chat with Suzy again. Maybe he could pull more info out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter isn't much, I haven't had as much time to write because of some harsh stuff going on in my life...I don't want to go into it here but if anyone is curious (for SOME reason) I have all the info here https://www.gofundme.com/2fz42mtw   
> This is not a beg for donations, i know what ya'll are here for-the laughs and the soft gentle tears of such DRAMA of the Grumps- but like I said I didn't feel like making people read all that drama but if you were worried you can catch up!
> 
> Love you all, thank you SO much for reading! Reading the comments and seeing the views on this makes me feel so happy and I seriously mean it when I say this is one of the little things keeping me going!  
> I want to update more, so please stick around! I'm not giving up on this project! I want to finish this and I actually have more idears for some stories in the future!  
> Possibly writing more Grump stuff and or adding more Youtubers!


	5. Winter is Coming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzy fills Barry in on what has become of sweet sweet innocent Ross...but the truth is not what it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely Lovelies! I wanted to toss this on quick, so I think I might be able to end this sooner than I thought?  
> There may only be a couple chapters remaining!  
> But now dry those tears, cause as I've said this is not my final masterpiece. Oh no, this is only the beginning.  
> I have one project i have already started that /I/ am excited about but I doubt anyone else is but I am writing a Silent Hill fan story. The movies made me so angry that I have decided to write my own work that will link the first three games and fix things from the movies and terrible comics. I probably won't upload this until I have A LOT ready for it. This is something that is actually very dear to me, as Silent Hill is my favorite...game...setting...THING ever. 
> 
> But on to what you are probably more interested in I have two fan fic ideas but I can't decide which to do first.  
> One is my take on a high school AU for the grumps. And just like with this story it will probably be NOTHING like you're expecting.   
> I have some hilarious ideas that have grown too much to be just ideas so I want to expand on them into a story like this...mess I am working on now.
> 
> The second one will be a bit more...elaborate  
> It is going to be multiple youtubers in a fantasy setting, my starting player will probably be Jacksepticeye unless I think of another start that works better or maybe I will put that up to a vote too!
> 
> So what I'd like to know is what would you guys like to see first?  
> Dorky funny High school AU with the grumps as what I think they would ACTUALLY be like in high school  
> This one may be updated with the same fast frequency as like I try with this fic and will probably be around the same length
> 
> or epic fantasy that will be a little more invested, take more time and will probably go on much longer thru multiple quests.  
> And if this one, who would you like to be our starting player? Jacksepticeye? Markiplier? Someone else? Let me know! 
> 
> Wellt hat's enough out of me, please enjoy!

After many twists and turns he finally made it to the front of the building to find Suzy sitting at her desk.

Mimi and Mochi were curled up on the desk wearing matching glasses frames similar to what Suzy was wearing.  
Cause that sounds ADORABLE.

“Hey Suz can I ask...what are you doing?”  
Barry stared at his friend fiddling around with what looked to be craft supplies

“Gluing Googly eyes to stuff” She held up a spoon with two widley spaced googly eyes of different sizes stuck to it.   
She shook it at Barry, it’s wild eyes jiggling menacingly 

Barry stared down with a concerned glance at the spoon and then back at Suzy.  
“...why?”

“ This is Spoonie. But like with an ‘ie’ not a y so it’s an original idea and not that reviewer guy...Well see, since Burgie was such a hit with the Lovelies we decided to make more sentient inside jokes to market! ”  
She shuffled through some of the other items on her desk   
“We also got...Flip Floppy...Dangerously Sharp Knifey”

“Jeezy creezy!” Barry stepped back as Suzy swung Dangerously Sharp Knifey around non chalantly-y.

“Oh calm down, Knifey is a pacifist! And lastly we got” Suzy held up a trumpet with giant googly eyes attached to it “Horny. This one is Danny’s favorite.”

“I...That’s rad...I guess so hey I gotta ask ya something!”

“Sure! Shoot” Suzy said happily as she held up a pistol with googly eyes

“Well I ran into Holly, and she said that I wouldn’t see Ross around here. Is he alright? Like nothing happened right?”

“Oh. Right. Yeah well, while you were gone a lot of thing changed. Ross got a job at Blizzard and had a big elaborate spectacle to announce he was quitting uh hold on I still have the video!”

Suzy scooped one of the cats off her laptop and pulled up youtube She quickly found a video titled “Huge nerd tells his nerd bosses that he’s going to work for nerdier bosses.”

The video starts off with Arin, Danny, and the rest of the Grumps sitting at a table discussing important business stuff before the door is kicked open.   
Ross then runs in dress in his Horde hoodie, unzipped and no shirt on underneath, a kilt, heavy boots, red and black war paint on his face, and in his hands he was carrying his replica on Frostmourne.   
The Grumps look on in terrfied confusion as Ross let’s out a bellowing “LOK’TAR OGAR!” and embeds the sword in to the table.   
He then continues to scream as he tosses more things off the table and surrounding shelves. His rampage ends as he punches Danny off his seat causing the room to fall silent.

“So uh” Ross sniffs a little, rubs his nose “I’m quitting yeah. You can mail my last check. See...see ya later”

He tries to pull the sword out of the table, but after a couple tugs it seems thoroughly stuck.   
“Can-can you mail that with it? Yeah? Cool okay uh yeah later, Danny sorry about that thing that one time”

 

“Yeah, it was weird.” Suzy closed her laptop “We never sent him his sword either. It’s still in the table. No one can pull it out. We’re guessing it’s like a King Arthur thing but from what Holly tells us you don’t really want to be the king that that sword suggests...I dunno it’s their War of Worldcraft stuff I don’t really get it or..care”

Barry stood there hunched over, mouth slightly agape, his brows knit in tight confusion.  
“did that actually happen?”

“Oh yeah. It was kinda scary. Danny didn’t move the rest of the day. We had to put a rug over him cause he was getting distracting”

“So, he’s at Blizzard now?”

“I guess so, last I heard. I haven’t seen him since. We still shiver in fear sometimes at the thought of him returning to finish what he started. I mean he’s from Australia. Australian things will kill you man. Have you seen kangaroos? They’re jacked, they’ll fuck you up. They have dingos. Dingos, Barry.”

“Right well uh...” stuffing his hands into his pockets, Barry backed away towards the front door “Maybe I’ll swing by and say hi while on my lunch.”

“Be careful Barry!” Suzy held up Dangerously Sharp Knifey “Dingos! DIIIIIINGOS!”

 

Barry drove to the Blizzard headquarters which for the sake of plot is close to Game Grump headquarters even tho it’s in Irvine California and I have no idea how close that is so yeah...what do you care? Huh? You gonna fact check this fic? Really? Like it actually matters? THIS is gonna be the thing you’re gonna be like “Well ahem ACTUALLY that’s not *loud fart noises*”  
Cause like...do I sound like a smart man? After everything you have read to get here there should have been NOTHING that suggests I am a learned human being. 

Barry parked his car on the side of the road and walked up to the building. In front of the building there was a chubby nerd with a really gay undercut with the top part bleached shouting at the building.  
Deciding that this was not the weirdest part of his day, he walked up next to them to inquire about Ross’s whereabouts or whoever was in charge.

“FUCK YOU METZEN GET OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME!” The chubby nerd who in no way resembles the author in any way “YOU COWARD FIGHT ME!”

“Um, excuse me hi?”

“Oh!” The nerd jumped, causing their glasses to go flying and the lenses pop out “Damn it! not again...uh yeah, hi oh...”  
They looked Barry up and down, eye brow cocked.  
“Weird. Metta. What can I do for you my main character I mean main man?”

“One..what are you doing?”

“Oh um. I’m challenging Chris Metzen to a fight.”

“...Whhhyyyy?”

“Cause he came into my home, killed my father, and seduced my mother! And then he stole my money!”

“What the fuck, really?”

“Well...okay no” the nerd put their hands awkwardly in their pockets.   
“but he seems like the kinda dude who would do that. And I can’t believe that’d he’d theoretically do that!”

“Right. Well this Metzen guy, is he in charge? Or do you know where a Ross O’Donovan is?”

“Uh I think technically? But he’s inside. I’d show you but I’m not actually allowed inside the building. As for this Ross, not sure. Your best guess is to ask the Evil One.”

Barry thanked the nerd who kept shouting until security came out to escort them away. 

After he made his way inside, Barry was greeted by the very nice Blizzard staff who were very willing to answer his questions and lead him on the right path.  
But yeah I mean of course they’d ACT nice but that was a mask to hide their pure evil within.

Blizzard kills baby bunnies and punch old ladies.

He spoke to random employee on the whereabouts of his friend

“O’Donovan...? No no I don’t think anyone here has that...wait. Ross ross. Hey Terry?”

The employee called out to his coworker who popped out from behind a corner “Yeah?”

“That uh...weird guy who sits out by the statue everyday. What’s his name?”

“Innit like, Roy or something?”

“Ain’t he called Ross?”

“Yeah yeah! Ross! His wife and him came by for a tour once. Now he like sits out there everyday. He said he worked here and when we told him that he didn’t he sadly walked out, wrapped a blanket around himself and just plopped down.”

Barry looked at both of them like they were also insane “You can’t be serious?”

“Yeah, he’s here everyday. But he’s not like that other one so we figured he’s not hurting anyone so we let him sit out there. He’s kinda funny.”

Terry finally walked out from behind the corner and pointed out a convenient window.  
“you can see him out there now!”

“Oh god damn it, Ross”

 

Barry didn’t stick around to talk to the evil EVIL Blizzard employees, he ran outisde to see what crazy crazy persona this friend had. And sure enough as he walked up to the rad orc statue, there sat Ross clad in blanket holding a change cup.  
Next to him was a sign “Wife left me for birds, pls donate. Will animate for food or game merch”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quickie chapter i actually just whipped up cause I decided to stay home tonight! I was on a roll but it kind of died out so I thought I left it out in a good enough place to build up DRAMA AND SUSPENSE.  
> This lil chapter was fun to write cause I got to put in a lot of inside jokes like my fake hate for Metzen whom I will someday fight so help me god.  
> The glasses joke is actually because yeah on top of every other wonderful things that have been happening to me my glasses got totally destroyed. I was taking the trash out at work when someone accidentally hit me in the face with a trash bag which sent my glasses flying and the lenses popped out and slide under the dumpster never to be seen again...But if it makes other people laugh I will suffer for my art.   
> And yes that is actually what I look like, don't believe me then you can see my gofundme https://www.gofundme.com/2fz42mtw (plug not intentional) where I have put up a video.   
> So i thought since most of you have been so patient and understanding of me I thought I'd let you see my dumb face. 
> 
> Well for the millionth time, thank you SO much for reading this. You all are rays of sunshine in my life and you have given me another reason to smile!  
> I hope you have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Like I've said please take nothing in this story seriously, I started writing this purely off a random idea sparked from a Game Grumps animated and it just became a way to pass time at work


End file.
